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“Where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.” ~Joseph Campbell

Just 48 hours to go! This final week has been a crazy one.

On Saturday, my nerves really did get the better of me. I was already nervous about the whole ordeal, but the scale tipped Saturday evening. While hanging out with my two best friends, we went out to watch planes take off at the airport. It was great fun listening to music, sharing stories, and spotting as the giant airbuses gently touched down at the end of the runway.

After an hour or so of watching planes land, we decided to drive back to the airport and go inside the terminal. That was what did it. As I walked through the doors and smelled that familiar jet fuel odor, my stomach turned. My muscles tensed. I felt my heart race and my lungs gasp for air.

I was terrified.

It wasn’t fear of travelling that scared me. It wasn’t fear of not knowing anyone for thousands of miles. It wasn’t really the fear of being gone for 123 days. It was the fear of leaving behind my routine.

As I’ve mentioned before, I tend to be a very OCD and controlling person. I like routine. I have terrific friends, a close relationship with my family, a great job, a wonderful church home, etc. I like things the way they are and the idea of not having them that way scares me. And ultimately, I am afraid that while I’m gone, all those people and all of those things will move on and they won’t need me when I get back.

It’s funny, but there is something about admitting the panic that makes the panic start to go away. After I melted down over the weekend and admitted to my friends, family, and anyone who would listen just how scared I was, I began to feel less and less anxious.

I think back to what started me out on this journey. I was excited by the opportunity to grow. As I wrote on my application to the study abroad program:

“I am hoping this begins a whirlwind adventure. I am hoping that I will learn more about life than I ever could have imagined. I am hoping that every interaction I have, every tip I receive, even every mistake that gets corrected, or every feeling of fear will help me to completely rethink the way the world works.”

While I wrote those words back in September, they still capture the excitement I have for this trip. The opportunity to break out of routine is terrifying, and yet it’s so freeing at the same time. Simple things like grocery shopping and catching a bus are going to be new and challenging experiences.

And the reality is, I know in my heart I will never be alone. When I was cleaning out some old papers in my room this week I found the program from the church service when I got confirmed. The text that was preached on that weekend was Jeremiah 1:5-8.  In The Message translation it reads

This is what God said: “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you..."But I said, “Hold it, God! Look at me. I don’t know anything. I’m only a boy!” God told me, “Don’t say, ‘I’m only a boy.’ I’ll tell you where to go and you’ll go there. I’ll tell you what to say and you’ll say it. Don’t be afraid of a soul. I’ll be right there, looking after you."

This verse has been one of my favorite ever since I was confirmed, but it seems to have taken on new meaning since I started getting ready to travel. As unprepared and nervous as I feel, I know that God will be with me on the entire trip. I will meet people that change the way I think and I will see things that change the way I view the world. But in the end, I have nothing to fear…because I do have terrific friends, and close relationship with my family, and a great job, and a wonderful church home. 
I am so thankful for all of the support that everyone has given me. To all of you who have believed in me even when I’ve been terrified, your words, your prayers and your advice have been amazing. Thank you!

So today I started closing in on some final preparations. After buying a new suitcase yesterday, I started loading it up today. I still have some photo copies to make and some paperwork to do. Tomorrow I will make one last run to the store to pick up a few final items (I’m sure come Friday I will be thankful I have a night time flight.)

And as I was packing today, a friend of mine posted a few lines on Facebook quoting the Dr. Suess poem Oh, The Places You’ll Go! I looked up the poem and found that it makes a great "pep-talk" for a lot of the experiences I hope I will have over the next few months. I found this version on Youtube and wanted to share it with you.

Thank you again for following me. I hope you enjoy the video!